Groom IQ: the short wedding test, with Belle
Groom IQ is Belle’s short wedding test for the groom: 17 questions on what you’re wearing, the paperwork, what you’ll say out loud and the day — a verdict on the answer you pick and why, what a wrong one costs on the day, and a bird ladder that climbs as you go. Each question points to the careful written guide on Boards.
Every couple gets both tests, Bride IQ and Groom IQ; nobody is asked which one they are. Take either, take both, hand over the phone.
What you’re wearing
- The suit and the ten pounds — You’ll order it after you lose the weight. The weight has heard this before.
- They’ll sort it out — Six people on your side, five cities, one link. What could go wrong.
- The white X on your back — Your jacket came with a neat white X stitched across the back. It was not a design choice.
- Shoes straight out of the box — New dress shoes, unboxed at noon on the day. Your heels have notes.
- Empty your pockets — Phone, keys, wallet, the mints. Your trousers are about to describe all of them.
- The flower at half-mast — Upright at the ceremony, drooping by cocktails, upside down by dinner. You can tell the time by it.
The paperwork
- The license — The one piece of paper that makes it a wedding and not a party.
- Six months, says the border — Your passport is fine. It expires right after you get home. The country you’re visiting may disagree.
- Only thirty friends — “I’m only inviting thirty friends.” Your thirty friends have news.
Things you’ll say out loud
- Winging the toast — You’re “good on your feet.” The room is a hundred and fifty people and one open bar.
- He says his speech is “handled” — You have known him since you were nine. You know exactly what he thinks is funny.
- Thank both families — You thanked your parents, the college guys and the bartender. The front table is doing math.
The day
- Who has the rings? — It’s 3:55. Someone asks. Everyone looks at you.
- The morning of — Tee time at seven. Photos at one-thirty. The suit is in a car that isn’t yours.
- Six guys, no lunch — Breakfast was coffee. Lunch was a beer. The ceremony is a long time standing very still.
- The weekend before — It’s the only weekend everyone can do. Flights are cheap. What could go wrong.
- The envelopes — Tips for the day. Your plan is “I’ll Venmo everyone after.” After is one in the morning.